More Than Just a Black and White Picture of a Lion
by Arraydesign
Summary: A one shot post ep for season 6 episode 8 'A Murder is Forever' Castle and Beckett have a conversation about solitude and personal space.


More Than Just a Black and White Picture of a Lion.

_A post ep for season 6 episode 8 'A Murder is Forever'_

_Castle and Beckett have a conversation about solitude and personal space._

_Disclaimer: not mine_

He traces a pattern on her shoulder with his thumb, slowly, hypnotically, and she's drifting off to sleep. It's quiet and intimate, for a change. No sounds from the rest of the apartment, no Linus the lion watching her; just the quiet ambience of the room, and Castle's touch lulling her down into slumber.

Castle would like to follow her into that soft oblivion. He really would. Slide down between the sheets against her smooth skin, and close his eyes against his fears. There's too many things going on in his head, and he has to ask; has to know just exactly where things are going. He's miss-stepped and it has put him on alert. He misses things. He knows he misses things, but he's pretty sure this isn't as simple as she made it sound. It's all fine, to make overtures, to talk about alpha personalities and _their_ story, but he thinks that there's more going on here. More than just a picture that she needs to have moved. More than just a black and white picture of a lion.

"So," he says conversationally, "How long do you think you're going to use that as blackmail?"

Her eyes open, unfocused and hazy. "Huh?" she slurs, "What blackmail?"

" I'll just sleep at my place?" he quotes.

"That wasn't…" she's awake now.

He raises his eyebrows.

"Oh. Yeah…I guess it kind of…" she has the grace to blush faintly, starting at her ears and staining gently down her jaw.

"So," he pushes just a little, "how long do you think you're going to use that…Cause, I mean, it works, that's certain and I just need to know, are you going to use it for just big stuff? I mean I guess Linus was pretty big _ but I mean…" He's being gentle, soothing her shoulder and upper arm with his thumb, but his hand is keeping her right there, when she'd really rather turn away.

"I…I wasn't really thinking of it that way." She looks at his collarbone; follows the line across his throat to his other shoulder.

It worries him a little, the way she won't meet his eyes. "Hey," he says, his thumb stilling on her arm, "Kate, do you still have one foot out the door?"

Her eyes fly up to his. "No, Rick, nuh uh… at least I don't mean to. I want to be here, I want to be with you, it's just…" she pauses for a second, trying to gather her feelings into words. She doesn't want to hurt him, but she can't really see a way to articulate the problem without a certain amount of damage. She wants to dive in here, she really does. It just turns out that the water is wet, and sometimes a little too warm. She barely knows how to describe it to herself, but she thinks it has more to do with acclimatization than anything else. She's been working on it, but it never really occurred to her to talk to him about it… to offer him a little insight. She sighs. "It's been kind of crowded around here, and I'm used to… a certain amount of solitude."

"I'll get Mother to move out," he says with a certain amount of glee.

"No. Not my point, really…I think I still need a little space and time of my own."

He looks a little hurt, so she tries again. "I love your Mother…well, your family… and you too Castle,"

"Not the order I was hoping for," he grouses.

"No," she shakes her head, searching for words, "I'm so bad at this…"

"Oh, no, I think get it. When Alexis was little I cleaned out the cupboard under the kitchen sink, and lined it with shelf paper. It was her own little private hide out."

Her eyes are dancing with amusement. "That's sweet babe, but I don't think I'm going to fit under your kitchen sink."

"Our kitchen sink, but I take your point. Alexis upgraded to her closet when she was about six."

"Closet's not really going to cut it, Castle."

"Yeah. Kind of sends the wrong message. Although…" he raises his eyebrows, and she shoves him in the chest.

"In your dreams, you idiot. No, Castle I'm serious. I've lived pretty much by myself since I was seventeen."

"Really? You never lived with anyone?"

"Well, short stretches, you know, six months here, a year there."

He clasps his hands under his chin and blinks his blue eyes at her. "No, I don't know. Do tell."

She narrows her gaze. "Stop side tracking, Castle, you really don't want to know. The point is: I'm not used to having people around all the time. It's going to take me a little while."

"Hey, I've read 'A Room of One's Own'. I get it."

"No, it's not about that really, and neither is Virginia Woofe… I think if you'd really read it, then…" she waves her hand, trying to get back on track, "It's about solitude. Some days I just need," she sighs and pauses, "I just need time to decompress. Time to let the day go."

He wriggles closer to her, "Time for a long bath?"

She shoves him again, but it's more play than anything. "Time for a bath alone, you opportunist."

"You can have the tub for however long you want… promise I won't come in… well, except to bring you more wine, or replace the candles," he runs his thumb over her eyebrow, then slides his hand along over her ear, rearranging her hair.

"I know. I just…" she can't express that need for space in a way that she thinks he will understand. Certainly not in a way that won't hurt him, or at the very least be misconstrued. She wishes she had the facility with words that he does.

He looks at her furrowed brow, and thinks about her apartment, and its careless eclecticism. He likes her place, her taste, the complexity of her personality that's reflected there, and suddenly he too feels nostalgic for that little oasis. "Take the guest room," he says.

"What?"

"Take the guest room."

"No! Castle, I didn't mean…"

"I do. I mean it. We'll clear it out. No one stays there much anyway. Well, you did… and Meredith, and we both know that won't be happening. You can put whatever you like in there: desk, comfy chair, dartboard of Gates"

She staring at him, mouth open, and before she can speak he tries to fill the silence with sound.

"I don't mean that all your stuff should _just _go in there, I mean whatever you want to have here… really…" he stumbles to a stop.

"You asking me to move in, Rick?"

He looks at her, straight, clear and blue.

"You've already moved in. I just want you to admit it and bring your stuff here."

She dips her head a little, half in acknowledgment, half in contrition. "You don't need to do this, Castle. It will get better over time. I'll get used to it."

He wraps his arms around her, drawing her closer. "But I do need to do this. I really do. Move in here, Kate. Bring your stuff here. Sublet your apartment, or let it sit empty, or just let it go. Whatever you want. Just be here. Make this be home. We'll make you your own space. I want you to have a place to retreat to, but you shouldn't have to go so far away. Everyone else has their own space here: Alexis, Mother, my study for me…why shouldn't you? Maybe you won't need it later, maybe you will… it's just…you can be alone here if you need to be, I promise. Just be here."

She looks at him, assessing his words.

"And if you really need to get away you can just go out to the Hamptons," he adds.

"Are you sure?"

"He nods, "Absolutely."

"By myself?"

"Of course."

She smiles at him, "You're such a liar. You'd worry so much you'd be following me out there in less than fifteen minutes."

"Well, yeah, but it's a big house. You'd hardly even know I was there."

She leans in to rub her cheek along his shoulder. "I'm not sure we should really let my apartment go… lose the rent control…" she says thoughtfully. She leans back to look at him, "Hey, do you think maybe Alexis and Pi…?"

He growls and narrows his eyes.

"Too soon?" she smirks.

He pulls her close, as if to whisper in her ear, but instead slides his tongue down her neck and bites her shoulder until she wriggles and laughs, then he rolls her underneath him and silences her with a kiss.


End file.
